Alright, alright, alright!

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Welcome to You Found Beth 2.0!  I’m not going to take down any of the old stuff I posted but I will say that going forward though this blog is going to (obvi) be waaaaay more about wellness, nutrition, weight loss and living a healthy life.  With that- here’s my fitstory!

As with many, I can only really remember being heavy.  I look at pictures of me from before puberty and I see that I was “average” size but I just don’t really remember it- probably because trauma is what we remember the most.  After puberty, I just started gaining weight and never stopped.  When I started gaining weight I was really active- loved playing outdoors and was always on soccer teams and taking dance classes.  Once the weight gain became noticeable enough that my poor 13ish year old self felt self-conscious and increasingly tired I just quit.  I quit everything and became a TV addict.  I was always watching TV and movies- I even remember one summer my Mom pleading with me to go outside and start up soccer again or something because she’d leave for work in the morning and come home at night with my enlarging bum would still in the same spot on the couch.  But I didn’t want to, so that was that.  I won’t linger on the “tramatic years” of middle school and junior high school but just know that they were awful and completely hidden from all of my friends.   Overweight people, especially kids, internalize so much and it just makes them crawl deeper into their own heads.  By high school I was handling my overweightedness better.  I had accepted I was fat and became the fat, funny friend.  Be honest, we all have at least one.  I was social and had the.most.amazing. group of friends ever (many of whom are still on the bestie tier) so life was better but I was still secretly unhappy.  I have no idea how heavy I was, all I know is that this was probably when I was at my heaviest… or tied for the top spot.  Four years of yo-yo dieting and binge eating but still never losing weight is how I’d sum up my health in high school.

But, I survived and then in college my self-consciousness drove me to start thinking about weight loss as something I should consider.  I joined the best sorority in the world (Be a DG) and all of those girls were so beautiful and thinner than me and happy!  Boys wanted to date them instead of be their best friend and they all just seemed to be who I wanted to be.  I would try to eat better, at least when I was with them (sometimes) but then when I was alone binge eating was life.  I didn’t make a lot of actual effort until Sophomore year when I was so stupidly smitten with some silly boy that I became obsessed with losing weight.  I made healthier food choices for the most part but the main way I dropped down to the lowest weight I could remember at the time was from over-working out.  Yes, it’s a thing.  I was addicted to working out!  I went to the Rec Center on campus 3-4 times a day for at least two hours each time.  I missed classes to work out!  My whole life revolved around exercise because when I lost weight this boy would finally want to date me.  What a dope.  If only I could go back in time and smack myself!!  Anyways a few months after my brother’s wedding my Junior year, school got really hectic and I finally had to put my grades first and all of the weight came rushing back… plus a lot.  By graduation I was so heavy and still had no clue what I weighed.  I really never got on a scale, at least not that I can remember but given my clothing size I’d say I was over 250lbs.  Fast forward through each year from then until last May and you’ll see constant yo-yo dieting, mistreatment of my body and an enormous amount on self-hate.  I didn’t go out much, didn’t want to be around friends (lost more than 1 for being “flaky” but really I was just too ashamed to go out but couldn’t tell anyone that!).  Nothing was going right!  I was fatter than ever and so unhappy.  In 2014, I started working at what I thought was my dream job where one of my besties was working.  Surely I’d be happy now!  I threw myself into work and nothing else mattered (sound familiar- like the exercise addict from college?).

Finally, I broke.  Memorial Day Weekend 2016 in Houston when we had record amounts of rainfall and intense flooding I found myself trapped in a monsoon (seriously, the rain over me was the scary pink color on the radar!) in my car on a stretch of highway in the middle-of-nowhere-Texas with no street lights.  I had my first every panic attack and boy was it a doozy.  The next day I went to the doctor because I was having panic attacks about everything now! 4-5 times a day, panic attacks!  She prescribed me some anxiety meds and told me I had to come back in two days.  Two days later she told me I needed to lose weight.  Instead of just telling me to lose weight like so many doctors before had done, she gave me one homework assignment.  Cut your portion size in half at one meal a day.  That’s it.  Keep eating whatever I want, whatever I normally would, just eat only half as much one time a day then come back to her four days later for my next check-up.  She didn’t tell me how much I weighed and I didn’t ask.  I did exactly what she said and at my next visit she told me I was down on the scale!!  She didn’t tell me what my initial weight was but did tell me what my weight was that day and I was officially morbidly obese.  I was having some heart problems as well so she referred me to a cardiologist.  He’s the one that really scared me into keeping the downward trend on the scale going.  Basically I naturally have a slow pulse and the extra weight I carried was literally making my heart not function correctly- it just couldn’t keep up.  He told me some more tips (which I’ll share in later posts) and said I had to come back in 4 weeks and that he wanted me to have lost 15 lbs.  Give me a goal and my type A personality kicks in!  One month later I went back to his office down 16 lbs.  From there I went to see him each month where I had a stress test done to see how my heart was doing and left with a new weight goal to hit for the next appointment.

That’s basically how it all started!  I also started going to a Christian therapist sometime at the end of the summer because the anxiety just wasn’t becoming manageable and together we decided my job wasn’t healthy for me so I quit that and moved to Argentina where I could live with my parents and solely focus on getting healthy.  When my savings were kapoot I relocated to here to Austin and that’s my life May 2015 to May 2016 in a nutshell! I’m so ridiculously happy with life, work and really feel like I’m finally living.  15ish years of blah and now I’ve arrived!  Why didn’t I do this sooner?!

Sorry this is the longest blog post in the history of blogging but it’s just this first one.  I’m going to try to post at least once a week with recipes, exercise tips, health education, updates on my journey and life, etc.  I don’t want to be a coach or sell anyone anything- I just want to be for you the resource I wish I’d had to maybe have made this lifestyle change sooner!  Have an amazing, healthy evening and tell yourself you’ll make one small healthy change tomorrow!