Swing and a miss

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Confession:  I hate baseball.  I was going to talk about this yesterday but seeing as it was Opening Day, I decided I’d be kind and not crap on the sport on it’s holiday. 

Seriously though, baseball?! Ugh.  I've recently realized that there are 4 types of baseball fans (during a season):
  1. Diehard fans who annoy the crap out of you with too many statistics and speak a foreign language consisting primarily of abbreviations, acronyms and last names
  2. Good-time fans who claim to like baseball but really don’t care about the game- they just like an excuse to sit, drink beer and eat hot dogs with friends
  3. Casual fans who watch baseball as a filler until other (cough cough, better) sports start again in the fall
  4. Non-fans who are honest with the world and admit that they have zero interest in baseball
I’m sure I’ve already upset a bunch of people but if you simmer down and really think about it… I believe you’ll find that I’m telling the truth.
There's actually a big baseball presence in Birmingham because, frankly, that’s all there is to do here once college football is over.  We have a feeder team for the White Sox here who are apparently pretty good so every weekend during the summer is all about baseball.  With Opening Day coming up, I decided to ask some of my neighbors and coworkers questions about baseball to test my “4 types of baseball fans” theory.  Most of them are #2, Good-time fans who just like to go to the stadium and sit around drinking beer from a 54 oz. plastic cup.  A few of the guys were #3, Casual fans, who are even trying their luck at a baseball fantasy league this season but they weren’t too excited about it.  I could tell they weren’t too excited because while we were talking about baseball they got sidetracked with asking me about Aggie Football which then segued into a discussion about how much I love Aggie Basketball which then led to a discussion about March Madness and the Final 4.  Then we left and completely forgot the conversation started with baseball.  That's all I need to prove my theory so now I'll explain my top 2 reasons for thinking baseball is THE WORST.

1. Each team plays about 162 games in a season… 162 games?!!  Are you kidding me?  How can I care about each game when I know there are literally hundreds more to go until teams start getting knocked out of the competition?!  Last season I tried to just hop in halfway through but I got bored after 2 games and gave up.  I know I have friends who complain to me about basketball seasons being too long but I checked… basketball season is about 80 games, then the playoff games add to that.  So the final 2 teams would play about 110 games, a lot less than 162.

2. In addition to how many games there are, baseball games are waaaaaaay too long!  Depending on where in the season the game is, 9 innings takes an average of 2 hours and 52 minutes.  Oh. My. Gosh.  And I know football games can be just as long now thanks to commercial time outs and replays and injuries but it’s the pace that makes football games move so much faster than baseball games. Plus they do stuff during the breaks to keep us entertained.  Maybe baseball teams should get cheerleaders or dance teams?

I could go on about the dipping, weight issues, off- field injuries, the ridiculous rules that are way to complex and change between American and National leagues, the fact that players can’t be freely substituted, designated and pinch hitters, and more as further explanation but I think reasons 1 and 2 above speak for themselves.  Good Lord baseball is boring.  An old roommate of mine once dated a guy who played in the minors and even he admitted that he could barely sit through a game he wasn’t playing in!

Phew. I’m glad that’s out there.  I know my feelings are not going to be popular with some of you but that’s okay… I’m sure you could take down my favorite sports just as easily.  There could be some pretty simple changes to baseball that would make me like it but that’s not going to happen so I’ll just have to ignore ESPN for a few months as I always do during the summer. 


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